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First you get down on your knees Fiddle with your rosaries Bow your head with great respect And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect. Given the upcoming visit by Pope Adolf the 1st, this seems like an opportune moment to consider the Papacy and its pontiffs. Many people regard Pope Adolf or Cardinal Ratso Rizzo as was as a particularly egregious example of the breed. Pope Ringo was every bit as doctrinaire, dogmatic, intolerant and blinkered. And God knows, I could almost love him for bringing us the Popemobile.

Up in the sky! But as grim as the last run of pontiffs has been, some of their earlier incarnations leave them kissed-off and frozen against the cushion. Take Damasus I , who hired a gang of hit-men to murder his papal rival and all his supporters. Later tried, convicted and sentenced to death for adultery by a synod of 44 bishops, Damasus was acquitted by the emperor Valentinian. He and his gang of friends delighted in molesting female pilgrims in the basilica of St.

When a cardinal pointed out that this practice was theologically unsound, John had him castrated. Stephen VI had his predecessor Formosus exhumed and put on trial. John XXI was the only medical doctor to don the shoes of the fisherman. A surviving medical treatise he wrote before elevation recommended pig-dung to stop nose-bleeds. He was elected in the hope that his medical skills would permit him to live longer than the previous three although, frankly, their reasoning is lost on me.

Alas, within 12 months of his election the roof of his new palace fell on his head, crushing him to death. He was not missed in the Vatican, where many believed him to be the anti-Christ. Benedict IX served three terms as pontiff, the first when he was 12 years-old. Dante wrote that under Benedict, the papacy plumbed new depths of depravity. Benedict grew up to become a murderer who dabbled in witchcraft, bestiality and Satanism.